But I Don’t WANT to Watch Soccer!

Being OK with Finding the World’s Most Popular Sport Meh.

The World Cup starts today and words cannot begin to describe my excitement, and that’s because ZZZZZZZ is not a word.

I’ve tried to watch soccer. Like multiple times. Although I never tried harder, or with greater expectation, than during the 1994 World Cup. I was living in Paris and the French were still opening up whole new worlds for me and once I acquired the taste for previously unimaginable things — things like raw horsemeat or the congealed head of a pig — I just figured that these…