When being a homeowner also means being an apex predator — Last week, I spotted a large, rotund groundhog peeping out of a hole near the edge of my property, and the sight of that big, fat mama filled my heart with joy. This is not how groundhogs used to make me feel. When I moved to Beacon back in 2014—following…

When “Groomer” really means “He who smelt it, dealt it.” — Despite the coarse and toxic cloud of hatred unleashed across our culture, inspiring the most ignorant and violent among us to proudly fly their true colors in florid and ever-frightening displays, it’s a sign of real progress that even those people can no longer be openly anti-gay if they still…

When American consumer health and safety parts ways with legality — Fifteen years ago, I was minding my own business, just cleaning up after a party I had hosted when I found a family-sized bag of Sour Patch Kids. …

Consumer complicity and how the ’85 Bears built the modern Superbowl From the Department of Not Sure Why THAT Shit Stuck in My Head, I recall— without the help of Google — that Superbowl 17 culminated with The Washington Redskins beating The Miami Dolphins 27–17. But what’s the etiquette on referring to this team, now known as The Washington Commanders, when…

Why we were best positioned for the rise of our Information Age — I feel lucky to have been born in 1971 because my Generation X continues to reap the benefits of simultaneously being the Oldest Young People and the Youngest Old People. Let me explain: Thirty years ago, my college class of 1993 was literally the last to graduate in which a…

Celebrating MLK with less capitalistic forms of consumption — Tomorrow is Martin Luther King Day and I am going to do something radical — almost as radical as demanding full Equal Rights for everyone — for amid our annual, fevered miasma of Toyotathons and MLK Day-sales on Serta Perfect Sleepers, I am going to actually celebrate Martin Luther King…

Before getting to the broad optimism I feel about 2023, I always find it odd, on New Year’s, whenever I’m excitedly asked the following: “Can you BELIEVE it’s 2023?” Yes. Yes I can. You know why? Counting. That it was 2022 on December 31, and now, on January 1, it’s…

Looking for an Uncommodified Gift this Holiday Season? The people over at Merriam-Webster — publishers of our secular Bible — have given the world an amazing gift by choosing “gaslighting” as its 2022 Word of the Year. A lot of people, including me, didn’t learn this word until 2016-ish, before…

Why the Holiday Season and Winter is a Time for Me to Cope There is a sign, on southbound Route 9D in Beacon, that features a Brad Pitt-looking Joseph tending to a post-partum Mary and Baby Jesus that says, “Keep Christ in Christmas.” That sign is perhaps a byproduct of…